Christmas Past and its Haunting...

This will be my very first Christmas without my, "MamMa." Yes, I know it is part of the cycle of life but she was the one constant family love of my life. She made Christmas special to me and well, it is simply going to be different this year. I was searching through some old photos and I scanned a few and one of the photos is where she came to Germany (where my father was stationed with the Army) the Christmas of 1979. WOW, 30 years ago! This means she was 60 years old and I remember her riding the sled with us down huge hills like she was 20 years old. It was wonderful. Our family celebrated Christmas at The General Hotel in Bertchesgarden, Germany. The General Hotel was where the S.S. of Hitler's Army stayed. The hotel sits below on a mountain under the Eagles Nest. We spent Christmas Eve in a Christmas town where the "Christmas Tree Lighting" originated. It is really a wonderful little town with white lights and the huge Christmas Tree was lit with real candles and the towns people circled the tree at midnight to sing. I do not remember what the songs were but I do remember the singing of O Tanenbaum. My grandmother held my hand and I remember her turning to my ear and telling me this, "Never forget the meaning of Christmas. Never forget at this moment you are loved far greater than you will ever know in your lifetime." I was only 14 and I can still remember her voice telling me that. I remember that all I wanted to do was go back to the hotel and listen to my new Linda Ronstadt Tape in my "boom box." As I look back, it was more special than I realize. It is a memory that I wished I had participated in and not let my teenage hormones get in the way. My grandmother had a special way make me feel special. I guess this is what grandmother's do. But I think my grandmother did it better than any other MamMa. She was there for me on just about every life altering moment and special event that I could remember. She would visit us no matter where we lived on this earth. My MamMa, there is no other like her. I only strive to put family first in the manner in which she did. I ran across a large tin "popcorn" thingy that had at least 500 Christmas cards in it. Amongst those cards are the very first card I gave her and of course years to follow. Some of them were in plastic bags and others she had made notes on them to the year and had a special star by the date and she would put where our family lived when she received them. My grandmother did not know it...but she was a memory keeper. Not in the style of books or archiving. But that the most little thing was important to her if even only a card with a name as you open it.
MamMa Bea--Christmastime in Germany 1979